Another lost soul...

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 00:34:01 GMT

Well, I haven't posted on this thing for ever it seems. But since I'm on a computer for the first time in two months I figured I'd drop a post on here and fill everyone in.

So for anyone that hasn't heard already (which I'm guessing is probably most of the people who still read this) I joined the Air Force. I'm doing military intelligence (Cryptologic linguist). I left to Lackland Air Force Base on May 16 for basic training and just got out on the first of this month. I'm now in Monterey CA. at the Presidio of Monterey for my tech training.

I'm going to the Defense Language Institute (which is widely regarded as the best language school in the world), it's basically an offshoot of the Naval Post Graduate School which is here also. I'm here studying Arabic (go figure) but it was my first choice so I'm plenty happy. I basically get to go to school for free, (it's a full college curriculum here, language major, with a little work on the sides you can get your degree and since I came in with a lot of college behind me I shouldn't have any problem walking out with a degree) I get free housing, all the free food I want (and the food is actually pretty damn good) and on top of all that, I get paid well to be here.

So anyways, I've found out it's kind of a shock to everyone who knows me when they find out so let me just say, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. I really am Airman 1st Class Megerian in the USAF. I'm glad as hell that I joined and I'm loving it so far. (Although basic training did suck)

Anyway, if you have any questions about me, or the military or whatever please feel free to drop me a line or call (801-879-4683). I want to stay in touch with everyone.

Wed, 25 Dec 2002 18:34:11 GMT

Let it be known throughout the town that Cooper Savage must die.

Hostility, Hate, Discord, Contempt

Sun, 22 Dec 2002 19:41:14 GMT

-cut-

Sat, 21 Dec 2002 00:14:47 GMT

God I've wanted this CD for so long, thank God Cooper finally gave it to me!

Soo.. Today was shitty again and I'm at home right now because my friends are idiots and fucked me over. That's a story I don't feel like bitching about right now though.

I was planning on hanging out with Alex tonight but I don't feel like it anymore so I'm trying to find out what to do. If anyone wants to do something tonight just let me know. I'm feeling the need to hang out with some people that aren't my usuals and I realized I don't hang out with my friends who have live journal that often.

Today just hasn't been my day...

Thu, 19 Dec 2002 22:50:38 GMT

Today has been the worst day in a long time for me. I can't stand people. It seems like everyone out there is doing something stupid, lying, fighting over stupid shit, being arrogant or acting all around idiotic.

Why does everything have to be such a disappointment?

FUCK I hate it all I'm so sick of everything. Nothing ever seems to work out right. Everything just gets complicated then slows to a halt. Why can't anything ever just happen nice and clean without all sorts of side effects etc? I'd like something to turn out all around positive just once. I guess that's not possible though, everything has its repercussions.

I want to destroy all of the pettiness in this stagnant bullshit stalemate called life.

On another note, I have no desire to deal with women of any kind right now. In a world of men everything would be so much simpler.

Wed, 18 Dec 2002 06:29:03 GMT

So.. Today. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. Hooray for me for conquering illness in under 24 hours. I got ready and all of that stuff and realized that I really need a haircut. I got to school and first period was alright we built roller coasters. I'm actually enjoying that class (physics) quite a bit now, it's a relief from harder classes. In 3rd period we took a quiz it was really boring and I couldn't wait for the bell to ring. At lunch I went outside with Cooper and as we were coming back in we saw this shitty little bronco type car slam into a van right in front of us. Then some crazy looking kid jumps out of the bronco and starts screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! OH MY GOD! NOOOOO! hahahahahahahahahaha. holy shit! that made my year. It was like something you'd see in a B movie about the Vietnam war. hah classic. I went to 5th and did my DBQ essay and I think I did a pretty decent job on it, I just needed ten more minutes! Damn it I hate in class essays. Seventh period was typical, I corrected quizzes and recorded grades. I came home and did absolutely nothing for a really long time. I seriously don't know where my time went today. Tomorrow I have an in class essay on a book I haven't read and I have a test on a chemistry topic that I haven't paid any attention to. It's going to be a long day...

Notes to self:
*Car accidents can be hilarious despite their potential to take lives.
*Remember to Buy Cooper a Wheelchair.
*It is inappropriate to point and shout FETI! when pregnant women pass.

Why doesn't everyone just piss off? Please!

Mon, 16 Dec 2002 22:35:15 GMT

I get home today and there is a stack of mail waiting for me. I open the first letter and it's from a college and it says

"Who in the world are you? What in the world do you want to do? Where in the world do you want to go?"

Jesus Christ, it's not as though I haven't been dealing with that crap enough, now I have some faceless asshole harping at me about it over the mail.

I wish I knew the answers to those questions myself. I don't need other people pestering me about it anymore.

On a further note my family is giving me a lot of shit for being unemployed. Ok first of all dear mother, you yourself are not employed and you don't go to school six days a week either so shut the hell up I don't need your shit. As for my sister, if she gives me anymore shit about how I'm "Sixteen now and I should be working" I swear to God I'm going to flip. She's engaged to a guy who's twenty two and has never been employed. Get your deadbeat boyfriend to get a job and then worry about me afterwards you stupid air headed twit of a sibling!

An appropriate song:

Minor Threat - Minor Threat

We're not the first, I hope we're not the last
'Cause I know we're all heading for that adult crash
The time is so little, the time belongs to us
Why is everybody in such a fucking rush?

Make do with what you have
Take what you can get
Pay no mind to us
We're just a minor threat

We're just a minor threat

Early to finish, I was late to start
I might be an adult, but I'm a minor at heart
Go to college, be a man, what's the fucking deal?
It's not how old I am, it's how old I feel

Take your time
Try not to forget
We never will
We're just a minor threat

We're just a minor threat

The day according to Harry.

Wed, 27 Nov 2002 03:57:00 GMT

This morning I got up earlier than usual and headed for the shower. While I was in there the lights went out and I was sort of spooked but they came back and all was well. Got to school early and no one was there. First period I drew a picture of a plane flying into the twin towers and my group busted out laughing. (It's sort of an inside joke) 3rd period I took a test and I did fairly well on it I think. At lunch I took a walk with Cooper. It was fun and hopefully it'll happen again some time. 5th period I had to write two in class essays... I probably got 100/200 between the two of them. It sucked my mind wasn't working all day. 7th period I graded stuff and talked to Cooper and Travis. Came home. Loitered about nothing went on really. Mallory called me to see if I wanted a ride to the lab. She came and picked me up at 3:50 and we went up to the university. The lab sucked ass and I didn't get home until a little before 8:00.

My mom's being a bitch about the trip to Vegas. She says that she "Doesn't know Alex's family" Christ I've been good friends with the kid for 5 years and our older sisters were friends years before we were. It's really pissing me off, She's been to Vegas like 3 times in the past 8 months and she stayed at the Balagio in a sweet next to Shaq. Not that there's anything great about shaq, that's not the point. The point is that she can go spend thousands of dollars of our family's money on trips to Vegas with her friends but she won't let me go just once when it's totally free for me! Total crap. I realize parents are supposed to be protective of their kids but it's not like I'm road trippin' it or anything. I'm staying with Alex's family at their place in Vegas.. not that much different from me staying at his place here in Murray. Besides my parents don't give half a shit about me ever anyway. I've left for days at a time before without them knowing where I was and suddenly they want to play the role of the good caring parents? pshh whatever I'll end up going no matter what so it's dumb for me to have to deal with this.

Friday and Saturday.

Sun, 24 Nov 2002 15:30:04 GMT

Friday sucked. I woke up with sinus problems and by the time school was over I was pretty sick. I came home and slept the afternoon and night away. Yesterday I got up feeling much better and did the usual morning routine. Eventually Alex came over at around 12:30. We did a lot of crap. We went to the gun show where we saw a bunch of white trash rednecks. I was surprised not to see Noah and Aaron H there. We didn't buy anything of course but it was great being able to haggle with people for weapons. I'm 16 and my family's from the middle east yet, I can walk into a gun show where people are desperately trying to sell me weapons without running background checks and being content with my fake ID. Nice to know how much things have improved since Bush kicked the "War on Terror" into gear.... After that me and Alex went to Josh's only to find him responding to Marla's leash. We figured that was useless so we went to Dave's and talked to him, his brother and Austin. We left and then we just drove and screwed around up until about 5:00. We separated to our respective houses. I ate some food and got online. Later on at about 7:30 Mallory, Melissa, Erin, Steven and Connie came over to my house and dragged me out with them. We ended up at Eric's where we saw Eric and Dane. We played some team pool (I lost every game damn it). Then I was sick of that so I called Alex (he had called my house while I was gone) and told him to start heading to my house. I walked home and met up with him. We went downtown to find out nothing was going on as usual. We went to the dollar theaters to see that nothing was playing. Finally we went to Alex's and watched "Ronin". There was nothing left to do so I came home (about 1:00) . Now it's Sunday. I got up about an hour ago and showered and stuff. I'm hungry so I think I'll part with lj now.

This was pretty entertaining. I followed Cooper's and Aubri's example...

Sat, 23 Nov 2002 17:11:36 GMT

harry is the enforcer
harry is mourned
harry is a pothead and the
harry is a record
harry is found
harry is to fall under spell of girls
harry is sunk by rio
harry is so right to
harry is not my child
harry is gunning for the
harry is ready to cast his spell on audiences
harry is lost
harry is history
harry is in the pool
harry is an old soul"
harry is glammy supporter of the month June 2001
harry is weer thuis
harry is a budgie
harry is a pothead and the sorcerer's stoned
harry is reading
harry is great
harry is one
harry is 23
harry is not my "potter"
harry is at it again
harry is mourned sir harry llewellyn won gold at the 1952 helsinki olympics
harry is a pothead and the sorcerer's stoned harry potter sucks he is a pothead books word of advice for harry potter
harry is back
harry is a pothead
harry is here and fact monster goes to the movies holly hartman
harry is to fall under spell of girls"
harry is sunk by rio trio by david mellor
harry is so right to praise imports by david mellor
harry is gunning for the ada
harry is history by feebledebbiev
harry is an enchanting experience
harry is a nice person
harry is set for a titanic opening
harry is made to understand feelings and emotion
harry is given a strange marking on his forehead
harry is home
harry is 11 first year at hogwarts
harry is an old soul" by jk rowling
harry is 12
harry is medicine's new golden boy
harry is cool
harry is here and infoplease goes to the movies holly hartman
harry is a homo
harry is going 2 go out wit cho?
harry is a young lad
harry is older
harry is really great at make a package jump off the shelf
harry is almost like any other hero
harry is married to kelly
harry is hypnotic and indulging
harry is playing next
harry is one of my favourite films
harry is a 8 year old irish terrier
harry is a member of
harry is causing
harry is shown in the opening scenes single
harry is in terrible danger
harry is a nobody
harry is expecting these
harry is likely to ensure than whatever lingering sympathies you might have had for woody allen's films following bullets
harry is half
harry is 'the' reason to visit
harry is rescued from his ghastly relatives by a giant man called hagrid
harry is a concerned teacher who has been given the assignment of teaching in the "dungeon"
harry is signed by mercury records
harry is a caseworker for the social services department
harry is raised in the household of his truly vile relatives; his bedroom is a closet under the stairs
harry is the henpecked husband who wants an evening out on the town
harry is healed and is excused from the hospital wing
harry is watching you
harry is stuck with them all summer
harry is bad news
harry is a willfully driven individual
harry is in the potions class he is caught writing notes down
harry is also notable for being the first film in hitchcock?s long and fruitful collaboration with composer bernard hermann
harry is wondering in his bath how long it will take to wash away the creamy cake from his face
harry is
harry is a little white dog with black spots who loves everything
harry is very business
harry is not my "potter"
harry is a 12m
harry is his mother
harry is on his way

Frightening how true some of those are.. I pray to God i'm not my mother!

Are you going to erase snake from your inventory? - Andrew

Sun, 17 Nov 2002 07:01:59 GMT

Ok so.. Since I last updated I have had a pretty good time. I sat around my house and then later on I drove to the mall and visited some people. Kassie and I walked to the hickory farms stand and she bought a cheese ball and some crackers. They were good but the cheese ball and I got into a fight... It won. After that I went to my house and prepared some of my private sheesh kebobs for the BBQ. Alex came and picked me up and we went over to Josh's. When I got there Josh was on the porch talking to Marla that bitch of an ex girlfriend.... It's bad enough she wouldn't let him be around us for several months but the fact that she showed up at our little get together and took Josh away from his friends again for like an hour just pissed everyone off. Andrew showed up after I invited him. I wasn't expecting him to but it was good to see him again. My kebobs turned out good! I was surprised I thought I'd mess them up for sure. I tried a veggie burger too, it wasn't bad but my stomach started to cramp up after eating it. we played oi music and danced around. It was a blast letting myself free with my best friends. Me and Alex wrestled for a while on the trampoline. Me and Dave sword fought. He had a tiki torch and I had a rain gutter. Jay and his girlfriend came over and he brought a drum and an acoustic guitar cuz.. well they're hippies but it was cool.

Andrew was being a dick and trying to get me to leave from the second I got there. Fuck him. He disappeared for two months and expects me to ditch my friends to go out with him? Bullshit.

After the BBQ me Dave and Andrew went to Dave's and did the usual crap that we do. I'm sick of Andrew I would have much rather went off with Alex. Other than the few things Andrew was doing to annoy me the night was awesome though! I had a really good time and that's something totally rare. Me and Alex were going to go to a show downtown.. I think he's really starting to like Allie Tate. I feel bad for him. He's bound to get screwed over just like any other guy in the same situation.

Updating cuz a certain "Saint" is threatening me.

Sat, 16 Nov 2002 20:40:40 GMT

Last night was pretty lame. Fraisure and some preppy hoe bag girls came to my house and picked me up. We hung out for a while and paid a visit to the liquor store then we went to Alb's. While we were there we talked to Candy for a sec. We left I was annoyed cuz of the stupid girls and so I ditched and went to Dave's where we played retro video games. Kodie came over too but then I just fell asleep for some reason. Today I'm going to a barbecue at Josh's with all of my good friends. Andrew keeps talking to me but I am being an ass to him and laughing about it. Fuck him.

Sifting through memories.

Tue, 12 Nov 2002 05:14:34 GMT

Umm. lots happened today but I don't want to mention it. At around 5:00 I went to Dave's and the two of us played old school video games.. It took me back to my childhood and the easier/happier times of my life. Well I guess simple is what I'm trying to say. So then I came home and I was sifting through my desk drawer and I found some stuff that brought back memories, some pretty old and others not too long ago.
Among them were:
Ticket stubs from shows
Magic the gathering (the card game) rule books from years ago
A few lines I had written down that were verses or lyrics for a poem or song that was destined to never be finished. (These were written about a year ago from the looks of it)
Some other stuff that made me think about people in my life and stuff that's happened.

I've become pretty mellow in the past few days I think. For the last month or so I have been kind of out of it. There are a few things I need to take care of and set straight. There are some things that I'm worried I won't be able to fix though ):

Sometimes...

Sat, 09 Nov 2002 07:27:27 GMT

Ok so tonight was pretty good. At the end of the night though I ended up thinking about a lot of things dealing with myself. One thing that I concentrated on is that I can never give up on things even if they are impossible..This probably gives me more problems than anything else but it's how I am and always will be. No matter what's in the way I always see the light at the end of the tunnel even if I never reach it.

Tonight I was with my closest friends. It was strange, they are the only people it seems like I can even hope to count on. But a lot of the time in the past they haven't been there for me. It's not totally their fault though, sometimes I need them there in ways that they will never be able to be. I never can fully trust any of them I guess... Once in an extremely rare while I will actually put myself on the line and trust and care... Every single time it's blown up in my face and recent events haven't broken the pattern. Maybe this time will be the last time and it won't have to happen to me again. But in the end I still hope I was right to begin with and it's something worthwhile.

The Chains Dissolve And I Am Free.

Sat, 09 Nov 2002 01:31:45 GMT

Do you ever have those moments where you think you've figured out a lot of your problems and when you understand you can just toss them aside? I'm having one of those right now and it feels GREAT! I realized a few things and suddenly I feel completely free and in control. If I'm right in my thinking, I should be on my way to a much happier existence in a week or so. Hahaha this feeling has completely overcome me and I feel half insane! Tonight I'm going to go out and raise hell. Maybe I'll even be with TRENTON tonight. It seems like he's connected to this feeling sometimes. As for that bastard Andrew (the "fat fuck" according to Trent) I'm not going to call him until he calls me.

Why can't the world slow down?

Wed, 06 Nov 2002 02:49:49 GMT

Well I guess things have been semi-ok lately but I don't know. Everyone is moving too fast, I wish people would just relax for a while and let their lives move slowly instead of being in some frenzied state of rapid social engagements. Maybe it's me.. I guess I act like one of those pathetic old people who are always talking about how they wish things were like they were in a more "simple" time.

Anyway... The day was kind of good, school was boring but easy. I finally got out of seventh and now I'm Miss Jasumback's aid! It was fun I talked to Marci and Cooper almost the whole time. After school I didn't do much, Alex and Charley stopped by for a second but then they left. Me and my sis ate and then I sat around doing nothing for a while. I was talking to Kassie on the phone and she told me I should come visit her and stuff was going down at my house anyway so I figured I might as well. So I went and talked to her in the mall and I just got back.

All I know is that I know nothing.

Sun, 03 Nov 2002 23:20:06 GMT

You know what I think my problem is... I have no idea what or who I want and when and where I'm hoping to get it. Honestly, I don't know where I'm going let alone how I'm supposed to get there. I'm just here sort of drifting around without purpose. I think the real reason for all of this is that I won't let myself go out searching for anything I want because I know that when I find whatever it is I won't be able to have it. That's just the way my life goes...

The last example of this I can think of was a bit of an extreme and it totally knocked me out of whack for 2 years of my life. But now things seem to be moving back towards where they're supposed to be and that totally scares me. Don't be surprised if a few months down the line I end up acting crazy while locking myself away and avoiding everyone because that's exactly where this will lead me...

The only way that anything good can happen is if that something comes to me instead of me going out there looking for it.

Probably doesn't make sense to anyone but it does to me...

It's going to be a cold winter...

Fri, 01 Nov 2002 23:25:50 GMT

So lately everything has seemed FUCKED UP. Maybe it's just me but I highly doubt it. All of my friends are being completely weird towards me. My parents are being assholes. My sister and I have been fighting a lot and we usually don't fight. Alex was kind of pissed at me for hanging out with Josh last night. Dave seems to be indifferent towards me. Andrew has disappeared. Kodie's been awkward on and off towards me, Austin well I don't know I don't really pay attention to how he acts towards me. The stoner friends are trying to incorporate me more but it seems like they care less... however that works. At school I keep hearing stories about Kassie saying stuff about me, and Aaron Henry talking shit about me. Well whatever, like I give a rat's ass. Aubri fucking hates me. Lucy has been cool to me so thumbs up to her. It seems like the only people who want me around are people that I couldn't give a shit less about. This is hell it seems too much like 8th grade all over again... I can see it coming and I'm helpless.

...There's a shadow just behind me

Thu, 31 Oct 2002 00:49:35 GMT

Normally I think it's dumb for people to post lyrics but I guess I'm a hypocrite and I'm going to do it now. I could get on and post about the last week or whatever it has been since I last updated but I don't think that I will..

Today I heard "Sober" by Tool, Yeah this song probably seems tired and old to you by now but it's almost stunning how much it explains everything about me lately. So yeah, I'm going to post the lyrics and if you interpret it the same way that I do then it's better than any ranting post I could ever make. Take a look into the words and think about them, sometimes I think we've heard some songs so many times and get so used to them that we forget to stop and take a deeper look. Well anyway...

"Sober"

There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every breath I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come.
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?

Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.

Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but what's past and done.

Trust me.

I want what I want.

Tired of people.

Tue, 29 Oct 2002 03:26:10 GMT

What's the deal lately? It seems like EVERYONE just talks to me to tell me about their problems. Christ I feel... used in a way. Like no one really gives a rat's ass about me but I'm the only person who will sit there and listen to them dwell about their problems. I wouldn't mind it at all if I didn't feel like it's the ONLY reason that I'm being spoken to. I'm tired of everyone acting like I'm some cold hearted bastard without any problems of my own. I'm so sick of this image that I give off. I don't understand it... I keep things to myself because I don't feel like it's everyone else's business, it doesn't mean that I have no problems!

Sun, 27 Oct 2002 19:03:40 GMT

I'm sick of everyone's shit. My own included.

Today and yesterday

Fri, 25 Oct 2002 06:50:05 GMT

Hmm well Wednesday was a typical day not much went on. 2nd period was lame as usual, I used it to do my chem homework. 4th period we did a lab and I watched Itch try to use Bunsen burners to pop popcorn but it didn't work out. Lunch I don't really remember for some reason... All I remember about it was that I was with Aubri for most of it and she was being nice to me and we didn't fight at all. Same with 6th. That made me happy because I like Aubri and it sucks that we fight so much. I had to stay for 8th to make up a test in math, it took me a long time because I haven't paid attention in that class for weeks. Oh well I did pretty well on it for having to teach myself on the spot. After that I didn't have a ride home since none of my friends stayed for 8th period so I called home and no one answered and I started to walk home... Luckily right as I was leaving the parking lot Kevin drove up and I asked if he'd give me a ride and he did. Kevin kicks ass, he's awesome for doing that. I went home and I think I slept or something I'm not exactly sure. On to today. I got up this morning and I was running late. I had slept in so on the way to school I had my mom write me a note excusing my tardy otherwise I would have gotten a U because there were no more chances to go to detention. First was boring, Second was funny because I got my essay and final grade which rocked everyone elses in the class. It's honors English and it's full of preppy Mormon kids who all look down on me. They had all spent hours writing their essays and they got mostly C's from what I was hearing. I woke up the day it was due and wrote it in thirty minutes without having read the book and I got a 96% on mine. Maybe it's just because Miss Beck is incompetent, we were supposed to have 9 quotes and 9 comments, my essay had one of each but I guess she didn't care. Anyway that was just part one of my days fun at the expense of the preppy mo's there was more to come.. 3rd period was dumb we took a final and that sucked. 4th period MacDonald put us to sleep. Lunch was ok.. I was kind of poor because I had spent all of my singles on twix earlier in the day. I sat down and a bunch of people came over. Lindsay bitched about Tike the whole time as if she had room to talk. Umm I don't remember Austin being there really, I guess he disappeared. Aubri was being quiet then she disappeared too so it was just me and Marci which was fine with me because Marci is always nice to me. 5th was the high point of my day. I got my test back and it was a 95%! That is the second test in a row that I have gotten the highest score in all of the AP US History classes. People were even telling me that Wood bragged about me in their class. This was the real prize in disillusioning the preppy mo's muhahaha. That makes 3/3 for the chapters that I actually read... too bad I'm a slacker and I don't stay on top of my work or I could really accomplish some stuff in school. 6th I put my head down and sort of slept. I got up and my friend had been throwing stuff in my hair which kept falling out throughout the rest of the day. 7th was dumb we just sat and talked the whole period. I guess I must have been funny that period or something because everyone was laughing at every little thing I said or did. Actually I was kind of annoying myself so it bothered me that they laughed because I didn't really see myself as being funny at the moment. I finally came home and the evil long last day of the term was over. The afternoon was first spent on the net where I talked to Aubri and Lucy and some other people. Then I drove to Dave's to pick him up and we went out and screwed around all day. We almost got into an accident with an old women! The sad thing was.. neither one of us really cared or felt worried. I guess we just don't care about ourselves anymore. The rest of the night went as follows... I went out for a drive with my sister, I ate, I met my cousin's fiance's parents who just came here from Istanbul Turkey for the wedding. The mom was weird but the dad seemed cool. After that I showered and here I am now.

Wow that was probably the longest and most useless entry I've ever written. Hope you enjoyed it.

Jesus Christ, Deny Your Maker.

Tue, 22 Oct 2002 03:17:52 GMT

I haven't posted for like a week so I'm not going to try to talk about everything that's happened. Over the weekend I didn't do much, it was a typical weekend where I was avoiding my friends as I have for some time now. Lately things have been strange. A lot of people that I haven't talked to for a while have resurfaced all at once. Trent kept calling me and insisting that we should hang out. He's saying that he's going to go clean again... god I'm sick of hearing that. He was a coke addict just last week I don't see him going clean anytime soon or ever for that matter. It's sad to see my best friend from childhood go down that way but what can I do? Every time I try to get involved or help him out it just blows up in my face. The best thing I can do is just avoid him. Umm let's see I talked to Melissa a lot this weekend. We kept each other company because neither one of us was doing anything. Amy started talking to me again out of nowhere, that was strange. She hasn't changed much. Dave got a new BMW Convertible '92. Lucky bastard that he is. This makes me realize that I need to buy myself a car soon. I'm so pathetic I have the money I am just too lazy to find a car. Well anyway that's about all I have to say so I'm going to go rummage for food now.

Tue, 15 Oct 2002 00:45:31 GMT

This weekend has been really bad... I'm totally upset and not for any particular reason.. I don't know, I'm just being the stereotypical stupid teen. I can't stand that thought but oh well it's how it is right now. I'm lonely I don't know where everyone has been. Andrew is just a dumb ass and isn't around as usual. What a great friend... Dave is at his driving lessons and I haven't gotten a hold of him. I'm not really in the mood to do anything with any of the rest of my friends. Actually I don't think I'm in the mood to do anything with Dave or Andrew either but I'm just tired of being by myself right now. I really need to stop ignoring all of my friends and bailing on them because if I keep doing it they'll start doing the same to me when I need them around. I can't help it though... I don't want to be with them but I don't want to sit around home feeling like shit either. I just feel stuck.

I have this melancholy feeling like life's just not going anywhere and it's going to drag on this way and nothing is ever going to get better.

This post was stupid and it sounded lame and insincere....

Well if you think you can provide some company and cheer me up a bit, I don't care who you are add me to one of your IM services. AIM = xFallenJudasx MSN = bokavitch@hotmail.com

Sun, 13 Oct 2002 01:18:02 GMT

So my day has been utterly useless.. I swear I have seriously been sitting behind this computer for 90% of it. I'm a chump I know but I just don't feel like going anywhere. I've had some meaningful conversations with people today though so I guess it hasn't been a complete waste. I think I pissed off Aubri while I was talking to her but towards the end of the conversation it seemed ok. Umm I talked to Andrew and I'm talking to Trent right now, he's a bastard heh but oh well he's helping my business... I need to buy a new car. If anyone knows of a good car that is around 5k or less let me know I'm too lazy to look for one.

Ok guys and gals have fun I'm off.